things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
