I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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