yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
