needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
