He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
