I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
