plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
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He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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