just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
