I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
