Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
