No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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