sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
