Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
