Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
