Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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