Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He has the fingertips of a God
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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