i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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