I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
