haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
