...so i touched it.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wish there were birth control emojis
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
