if i died would you start the facebook group?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
