matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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