my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
