He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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