real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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