I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
