Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
