all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize