"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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