you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
