Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize