my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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