you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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