Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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