its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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