I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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