I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
