Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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