I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
