Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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