quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
