I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
