I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
