I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
