Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
