Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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