no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
