Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
