put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
