Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
