best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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