Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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