So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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