I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
