are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
