I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
