If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
