how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
