Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize