She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize