remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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