I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish i was in the wii world.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
