i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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