everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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