Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
