just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
