it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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