i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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