WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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