Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
