Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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