so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
